The FA to poll fans to figure out the most inconvenient kick-off time they can find

The FA have decided to reach out to supporters and reach a consensus on the issue of kick-off times, with a view to doing the exact opposite of what fans want.

In an unprecedented step, the governing body has chosen to sit down with supporters groups and address their concerns over the scheduling of matches on any given weekend.

Games are being shifted around the schedules more regularly than Question of Sport on BBC 1, and the FA have sought to provide some clarity.

They will poll each club’s followers separately to establish exactly to what extent they can inconvenience them further and make it clear, beyond all doubt, that they don’t give two fucks about the logistics of getting to and from matches.

The FA’s decision comes as they have decided to stop being Machiavellian in their decision-making process and just become flat-out super-villains.

It’s likely that next season’s FA Cup semi-finals will be played at 2200, with talks continuing with rail companies to ensure that absolutely no trains to any northern destination will be made available after full-time.