Chelsea loan player can’t remember which club to drive to in the morning

A Chelsea player who is currently out on loan woke up this morning and couldn’t remember which training ground he was meant to drive to.

The London megahoarder currently has more players out on loan, contracted to the club but playing elsewhere, than there are players in the universe.

And one of those players, who asked not to be named because he didn’t want Chelsea to remember who he was, jumped into his Land Rover and made for the motorway only for the directions to 20 different training grounds to appear on his sat nav.

‘It was like a guide to football stadiums in the midlands,’ moaned the tricky youth product, who scored 15,000 goals at Chelsea’s various youth teams but was unable to break into the first team as a succession of managers didn’t know who he was.

‘I’ve been at Bristol City, Brentford, Reading, Huddersfield, Aston Villa, West Brom, Leeds, Hull, Rotherham, Doncaster, Derby, Nottingham Forest, Notts County, Wigan, Cheltenham, Plymouth, Portsmouth and… where am I? Oh yeah, Chesterfield. It’s not nice here in Chesterfield. I don’t like it,’ the 29-year-old said.

The forward remains hopeful though that a good spell in the National League could put him in contention for a starting spot, moving him up to 45th in the pecking order, behind every other fit person currently able to walk at Stamford Bridge.

In response, Chelsea’s PR team said: ‘I’m sorry, I don’t know who you are referring to.

‘Don’t call here again.’