Lionel Messi responds to Pele jibe: Most defenders you faced had leprosy

The Greatest Player in the History of Football, Lionel Messi, has responded to Pele’s comments about his lack of ability, stating that the game was very different in his day and that most of the defenders the senile Brazilian faced likely had a degenerative disease.

Pele had criticised Messi for being one-footed, among other things, making himself look like a ridiculous old fool pining for the good old days, in a similar vein to Brexit voters.

Pele, who scored 1,000 goals if you include ones no-one saw and didn’t exist, is regularly in the conversation for the best player ever, despite football back then being played largely on snorkel bogs and among men who had been in the pits earlier in the day and were suffering from black lung.

Messi, who competes against professional, super-fit opponents at the pinnacle of a game that is so different to the one Pele played it should be called something else, had initially held his tongue versus the erectile dysfunction shill.

But the Argentine eventually blasted, ‘Beating full-backs with type II diabetes, outjumping centre-backs with scurvy and dribbling past midfielders with leprosy isn’t exactly comparable to what we do now.’

‘So Pele can fuck right off if he thinks that.’

Pele admitted that at least 100 of his mythical goal total were notched against opponents with limbs missing, but stands by his remarks.