Deliberately contrarian bastard wonders why everyone hates him

A man who goes out of his way to disagree with anything his friends and colleagues have to say about football has asked for clarification on why they seem to hate him so much, it has been alleged.

The annoying git, 49, has no defined opinion of his own and instead opts to take the exact opposite stance of the last person to speak, often following it up by saying he likes to play ‘devil’s advocate’ and enjoys ‘shaking things up’.

But after being left off the guest list for his mate John’s 50th at the Coach and Horses in town, he sent an inquisitive Whatsapp message to a few of what he deemed to be his friends complaining about the situation.

It is thought that the response was in direct correlation to the man’s recent comments about Piers Morgan, saying that he ‘liked him’ and though he was ‘edgy’.

‘No-one who isn’t a cunt can really hold this opinion, so we’ve decided that you are,’ read the calm and considered reply.

The man, however, remains unconvinced.

‘I refuse to agree that this is because I disagree with everything they say,’ he said.

‘Sorry but I’m not having it.’